you deserve your own kindness

Note: I want you to imagine with me something that will be difficult to hear so I want to disclaimer this by saying if you have dealt with a verbally abusive relationship (from a spouse, partner, parent, etc.) this might trigger you.  So please guard your heart here and do what is best for your mind and emotions – even if that means you don’t read this.  xo

So say your best friend came up to you with sadness in her eyes and a broken spirit.  You ask her what is wrong and she begins to share the words her partner just told her:  You are a mess.  You aren’t enough.  You’re fat.  You’re ugly.  You are unworthy of being loved.  No one will ever care for you.  No one will ever accept who you are.  You will never amount to much.  You will never be successful.  Your life doesn’t matter.

Immediately, you would hug your friend and tell her those are all LIES.  Big lies.  That she is lovely and valuable and so worthy.  And you would disdain the partner who told her these words and even vow vengeance for her sake.  Because your friend is wonderful and how could anyone talk to her like that?  That is no way for anyone to be talked to.

But let’s do one thing with that story: Can you take the partner out of the equation?  What if it was just your friend saying those things about herself?  Or what if it was you saying those things about YOURSELF?

Those phrases are big and ugly and honestly they were the hardest for me to write out when I was thinking of someone saying it to someone I loved. But can I tell you something else?  I probably have said every single one of those phrases to MYSELF at some point in my life.  Or many times in my life.  I have looked in the mirror and said all the things I am not.  And, at some point in your life, you have probably said at least one of those phrases to yourself as well.

Now let me ask you this: if it is NOT okay for someone else to say those verbally abusive words to our friends or to us, then why do we continue to say them to ourselves?  Why do we look in the mirror and say things that are only destructive?

Words matter. What you say and how you say it matter.  Even when it’s to yourself.  The Bible says that “your words are so powerful that they will kill or give life” (Proverbs 18:21 TPT).  Those hurtful words we say to ourselves are tearing down the lives God gave us.  We are tearing apart the very person He created for a unique and special purpose in this world.    

I am certain the enemy of our souls rips apart our self-confidence for this very reason: it keeps us from our purpose.  We say we aren’t enough so much that we begin to believe it and then it influences every decision we make.

I literally had my dream job offered to me when I graduated from college.  And again two years later.  They paid for me to fly out, offered me bonuses and everything.  And I said no, twice.  Because my heart told me I wasn’t enough.  My mind told me I couldn’t do it.  And I lost out on this amazing opportunity God laid before me, twice, because I told myself I wasn’t enough.

Telling myself these lies has landed me in bad relationships, in depression and anxiety, and in scary situations all because somehow it was easier for me to believe the lies than to latch on to the truth.

And the truth is this my friend:
-you are important
-you are valuable
-you are worthy
-you are SO cared for
-you are beautiful and lovely
-you are made for a purpose

God formed you and designed you by name.  He would NEVER say those things to you or about you.  God would never speak destruction over your life.

So friend, STOP saying it over your life.  Stop telling yourself all you aren’t and speak of who you are.  (If you need some help with that, read these life-affirming verses HERE.)  Every time you want to speak destruction over your life, stop and ask yourself: would I speak that over my friend, my daughter, or even a stranger?  You wouldn’t.  You just wouldn’t.  SO please, stop speaking it over yourself.  Treat yourself with the same kindness you would give to your broken friend.  You deserve your own kindness.

Photo: sourced on Pinterest


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