still here

I used to write. And write often. I had dreams of getting a book published. I wrote about insecurities. I wrote about being a mom. I wrote about having hope and clinging to faith.
But years ago, I quit writing. I gave up. Mostly due to personal circumstances but also because of the rejection writing can bring. I was hurting so much already – I didn’t want to add to it anymore.
I never thought the thing that would make me want to write again was 3 simple words on a lab report – invasive lobular carcinoma. Cancer.
Six weeks ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Tomorrow I find out if I will have surgery or chemo first – I will have both.
I feel very grateful- I’m Stage 1 with a small tumor. It’s very treatable.
But nothing like getting a major diagnosis to make you want to go after what your heart has always wanted. To feel a little bolder. To speak a little louder. To realize the life you have matters and you want to actually live it to its fullest.
My faith has been shaken over the last few years. But I still have it. My body has gone through some health changes over the last few years. But I’m still moving. My dreams have been shattered over the last few years. But I’m still hoping.
So I don’t know what this jump back into writing will look like. Maybe some blogs. Maybe some posts. But I’m here. I want to talk about this season because I know others are waking the same journey, or some day they will be, and I want them to know they aren’t alone. Words help. Words heal. Words bring hope. And I want this journey I’m about to walk through to bring all of that to someone. Maybe it will just be me. And that is okay.
Dreams don’t always come true. Sometimes they look differently than we thought. But don’t give up the passion you were given. It’s there for a reason.

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